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I can totally relate. In reflection, I survived my childhood by running the streets. Staying away from my home as much as possible. Spending the night at friends more than I slept at home. Home simply did not feel safe for me, crowded with 2 other brothers sharing the same bedroom in our small 2 bed 1 bath house. On the opposite spectrum, my wife of 35 years, was primarily raised by a single mother and the term “latch-key kid” definitely applies. So in adult life, our home is her sanctuary, her paradise. It’s my hell.
I felt like I never fully came home, and still feel like I am in deployment mode. I have a saying, “my life is a deployment, every day is a mission (sometimes a combat mission), and every person a potential hostile.”
I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I don’t think of death, be it my own or others.
Yup… “The last place I ever felt at home, and strangely enough, the last place I ever felt truly whole and at peace with my situation.” I know that feeling all too well. Thank you for sharing, for reminding me, yet again, that I am not alone.
TsunamiBot
February 16, 2022 14:36I can totally relate. In reflection, I survived my childhood by running the streets. Staying away from my home as much as possible. Spending the night at friends more than I slept at home. Home simply did not feel safe for me, crowded with 2 other brothers sharing the same bedroom in our small 2 bed 1 bath house. On the opposite spectrum, my wife of 35 years, was primarily raised by a single mother and the term “latch-key kid” definitely applies. So in adult life, our home is her sanctuary, her paradise. It’s my hell.
Kevin
February 12, 2022 19:35I felt like I never fully came home, and still feel like I am in deployment mode. I have a saying, “my life is a deployment, every day is a mission (sometimes a combat mission), and every person a potential hostile.”
I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I don’t think of death, be it my own or others.
You’re not alone, brother! Thank you!
Erika E
February 10, 2022 18:24Yup… “The last place I ever felt at home, and strangely enough, the last place I ever felt truly whole and at peace with my situation.” I know that feeling all too well. Thank you for sharing, for reminding me, yet again, that I am not alone.
PJ
February 10, 2022 09:24As a civilian, I may never really “know”, but perhaps I can better understand.
Thanks Seth, for your friendship and guidance.