Everyone wants to know the “why” when they find out I’m a vet. They ask, “What made you join the military?”, like I was forced to sign the paperwork or something. Unless they’re a vet, in which case it’s a toss up between branch or MOS (Military Occupational Specialty). Either way, it always circles back to the why. So, I tend to simply say, “Why not?”

Just to get my job

I spent two days going through the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS). At the end of the second day I sat down at a career counselor’s desk to sign my contract. I remember being handed a stack of paper & told where to initial and/or sign. I sat back in my chair & proceeded to read every word on every page of that contract. From the look on his face, I knew I was being classified as “one of those” or “difficult,” but I didn’t care. After I finished reading the entire document, I politely handed it back & said, “I’m not signing that. I was promised 96D & that’s not in there.”

I’m not sure if he was trying to hide the look of shock & disdain on his face, but it was crystal clear to me. Nevertheless, I stuck to my guns & refused to sign unless my job was added. I distinctly recall him saying, “It’s really at the needs of the Army. Besides, you were just cleared through MEPS, you should just sign.” I smiled, refused again, & simply said, “Yes, I now have confirmation that I am a healthy female with a high ASVAB score. Thank you. I’m still not signing the contract without the MOS I was promised in it.”

News flash…I got my MOS. If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this now would you? As to the how, yeah, let’s just say a phone call was made & he opted to only answer yes/no questions with LOTS of signing. That day I discovered that the Army Reserves had to move a 96D slot over to the Army National Guard just so he could grab it & add it to my contract. His look of accomplishment as he handed me the modified contract was quickly dashed. Why? I took the stack of paper from his hand & proceeded to settle in to read it again from start to finish. Once I verified everything I expected was in there, I signed it & handed it back with a smile.

Shipping out & moving forward

I shipped to Basic Training in October, spent a week or so in reception battalion when all I wanted to do was just get it over with. I knew that the sooner I actually started Basic, the sooner I would be done & back home. Ah, the beauty (I thought) of “going Guard” was I would head home right after finishing Basic & Advanced Individual Training (AIT). Don’t get me wrong, I did go home & then I relocated for a contracting job. Figures…

I spent six years in the Texas Army National Guard, was assigned to three different units, spent some time down range in Iraq, & spent a lot of time as a contractor jumping from job to job. No one ever really talks about how stressful contracts outside the military can be.

One of the contracts I was on lasted less than a year. Another one cut billets & gave me 25 days notice to find another job. Not to mention that if a company has less than 50 people they don’t have to hold your job for you when you are activated (big companies are required by law). All of those factors certainly increased the stress levels in my life while I was still in and after I got out.

Back on topic

Oh? Are you still wondering why I joined? Ok, ok. I joined the Army at 28. Yeah, you read that right, 28 & not 18. I was labeled “old” when I went through MEPS. My nickname in Basic was “old lady” & “grandma” by the time I arrived at AIT. My age, on the other hand, wasn’t a factor at all when I in-processed at my first Guard unit.

To be fair, I kind of did everything a little out of order. I married young, had two kids, got divorced, & then joined the Army before I had my divorce decree in hand. Oh well, it all worked out & that’s all that really matters, right? Don’t worry, I also got a divorce while in, so I think I ticked off all the “boxes” needed to be classified as a vet. Low blow? Yeah, probably, but it’s what happened. It’s my life.

I was warned I wouldn’t progress in rank very fast if I went Guard, but I was ok with that. Why? I honestly just joined for the training, so I could get a better job after my divorce. A minimum wage job wasn’t going to cut it in the real world & I knew I needed to support my kids. So I stopped into my local recruiter’s office & asked what jobs were available. The rest, as they say, is history…

The real reason

Yes, I joined to create a better life for my kids & me, but I also joined to run away. Why? My marriage had failed. How did I let that happen? I wasn’t supposed to fail, that’s what I learned growing up. I just had to work hard enough. What does that even mean? It meant I ran myself ragged trying to be successful. And when I failed, I blamed myself.

The negative self-talk & self hate was ever present. I lost all confidence in myself & did the only thing I knew how to do; I ran. It was a vicious & unhealthy cycle that would lead to my unraveling over time…

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