In the not too distant past, Barney came up in conversation between my children. My daughter started reading some of the alternative versions of Barney’s theme song, many of which can be found HERE. Kids share the craziest things. As a family we laughed at the destruction of a fictional character.

I went to the other room to refill my glass and ended up sitting down with my notebook. The following flowed onto the page:

Long has he roamed the land with might
and more than once been in my gun sight.
But today his reign is at an end.
Yes, Barney to his grave I will send!
I placed the claymore and stretched out the wire
but paused just before I was going to fire.
Baby Bop in the kill zone did appear
I knew what I should do
it was all so clear.
I smoked ’em both,
The kids let out a cheer!

As their burnt chucks rained down like a meteor shower
The TV station was looking to fill half an hour.

I smiled as I told them Caillou was next.
We should all be free from that terrible hex!

They asked if I could do some additional clean up,
a few more animals like this stupid blue pup.
So I followed the clues till I picked up his scent
then emptied my mag till every round was spent.

By the time I caught Arthur it was hand to hand.
he knifed me but I buried him in the sand.
A family of bears came to his rescue, they had his back.
But I wasn’t finished pulling tricks out of my pack.

Thunder Cats, HO! and G.I. Joe, shoulder to shoulder we fought
till all other whimsical animals corralled,
were lined up and summarily shot.

Perhaps not my finest literary work but I haven’t published a post in awhile and thought you might need a laugh. I don’t blame you if you find this disturbing, but please enjoy the satire for what it is. As children and as parents, different characters have annoyed the crap out of us. We all have sick and twisted thoughts; there are the honest among us that will admit it and the fearful who will deny.

Going through a mental health screening they ask, “Have you ever thought about killing yourself?”
I know my perspective is limited because I haven’t talked to everyone in the world but I think it’s at least crossed everyone’s mind.

We all have thoughts- ones we’d never admit to or tell anyone (maybe one) about. That doesn’t make you crazy. You don’t have to entertain those thoughts or feelings…

The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Jalaluddin Rumi, translation by Coleman Barks (The Essential Rumi)

“In The Guest House, Rumi is using the metaphor of a guest house to form an image that each day is an opportunity to experience something new in our lives, even if it’s unexpected. And just like the houseguest whose arrival at our guest house can sometimes make us uncomfortable, our life too can get frustrating at times. So we wait impatiently for these unpleasant house guests to leave so that we can put our house back just like it was before they arrived. However, if we treat the house guests with warmth, generosity, and courage, we can learn invaluable lessons from the experience.
To summarize, Rumi is explaining to us that the entirety of human experience is valuable and that we should cherish each moment that is presented to us.” –https://www.soulfularogya.com/guest-house-poem-rumi/

While I agree that we can’t always fight to return to homeostasis nor should we always be trying to get back to “normal,” I do think it unwise to let certain guests in, much less WELCOME them.

Not all thoughts are self generated?

We are often confronted with a seemingly unexplained wave of depression or self doubt. Satan, the accuser sends doubt, sows discord. These are the words you hear, “You’re worthless, everyone would be better off if you weren’t around.”
“Why even try? You’re just going to screw it up, AGAIN.”
DON’T listen to these thoughts. God made you, you are important, people care about you. You not being alive would be worse for your family, and life IS worth living. Hang on! Keep fighting, work at making things better each day.

I don’t recommend inviting malice or hatred into your life. We DO have dark thoughts but inviting and entertaining them? No. Don’t let them live in you. Seek light and life and tell the darkness to flee. Are certain difficult people disrupting your life? Healthy boundaries can do wonders for mental sanity/clarity.

The Marine Corps brainwashes you in many ways. One such way is to breakdown the natural aversion to killing another human being. In boot camp, the Drill Instructor would give an order and the entire platoon would acknowledge in unison by yelling, “KILL!” We did it hundreds of times a day for three months straight. We shot at targets shaped like people, stabbed rubber torsos with bayonets. We viewed pictures of dead bodies to desensitize us to what the aftermath of killing looked like. There is a shift in the way you view killing/death; instant, willing obedience to all orders helps you not think about taking life. The decision is made easier because you find it commonplace, a form of compliance. If it’s part of the culture, some feel it necessary to prove themselves.

The decision can be easier (sometimes)- the aftermath is not. We are still failing to prepare our service members to resist the breakdown of sanity, morality, and spirituality. The US Armed Forces is making a slow move toward preventative medicine but it’s too late for the Global War On Terror crowd. Look for a future post about some great programs like Freedom Fitness America who are attempting to prepare warriors for all aspects of the battle. With the right training and preparation we can reduce the incidence of PTSD and Moral Injury significantly.

Our approach often dictates the situation we enter. We are desperate for our adversary to change but find the solution in changing ourselves. After all, you can’t change them (or what’s happened to you), despite how much you desire or try. I can’t go back in time and change what I have done. I knew I was being conditioned and did my best to resist some of it. At times it put me at odds with the system as I failed to capitulate with the expected norms.

I still see horrific images and have unwanted, intrusive thoughts and memories. The frequency has lessened over the years and I’ve put in significant work to change my thought patterns and attitude. I’m saddened by some friends I have that are stuck in a self-destructive cycle. Their social media posts are overwhelmingly negative and a victim mentality is exhibited in all forms of communication. When you ask them about life, their trauma dictates response. I want to cry, scream at them, drag them to every form of therapy until we find one that works.

So many people give up after one or two attempts, some never start. If you’re going to therapy of some kind and find that you can trust the practitioner, INVEST IN THE PROCESS! Stop holding back the pieces/parts of the story that are killing you from the inside out. If you can’t trust the person you’re working with- get out and find one you can.

Don’t quit, don’t stop trying.

This doesn’t have to apply just to talk therapy, of which there are many forms. Therapy can also have different approaches. It might take some medication to help you get to the right place so you’re capable to talk about the issues; that’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with properly applied pharmacology. I stirred the pot a few months back with THIS video. People assumed I was advocating recovery without drugs. They didn’t listen to my words, applied their own assumptions and began attacking both the video and me.

“Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.”

maybe Socrates, maybe not…

The idea that your past events don’t have to negatively affect the people in your life should be a powerful motivator to seek change.

Maybe you think your life sucks all the time because the trauma is driving your life instead of you?

Will you live your life always complaining about how hard it is or will you GET HARD and work through it? YOU can determine your quality of life. What? Yes, it’s true. A major percentage of quality is perspective. How do you view it all?
How you see it will influence how you approach it. How you approach it will significantly sway the outcome.

I know some of you reading have been battling for years, I applaud you. Keep going, try adding an additional form of therapy to see a greater ROI. Others may be chomping at the bit to rip me a new one or tell me how much worse their life is than I could ever imagine. You’re right.

Polytrauma is no joke and in no way do I intend to make light of the difficulty of recovery. The things that happen to us echo through our entire lives and set us up for future trauma. Seek help aggressively IOT prevent the perpetuation of trauma to your children and their children and…

Thanks for reading. Please subscribe, leave a comment (Good OR Bad) below, and if you’d like to support, buy something from the store.

-Drew OUT!