“Semper Gumby”.  A phrase oft uttered while on active duty service when facing a complex and rapidly changing situation or set of circumstances.  We are told to be constantly in a state of flexibility, able to adapt and change to our situations, whilst simultaneously being forced to operate within rigid parameters that are not open to interpretation or change. 

One of those parameters that we often don’t have the ability to change or adjust are the individuals we work with and for.  We all know who those are; the leaders that you just can’t get along with, be it personality conflicts or simply that they hate their life, and are intent on inflicting their suffering on others. 

I’ve worked for those in the past.  We had one Gunny at a unit that would keep us well past end of the day for no apparent reason.  All the work would be completed, the shop would be cleaned, and our Marines would be looking at us Sergeants wondering when we would tell them they could go home.  Among us Sergeants, we would often joke about who needed to bite the bullet and take Gunny out to a strip club just to make him happy so he would leave the shop and we could go home (we never decided who would do that, so it never happened).

Once you leave active service, a lot of the mentality and habits carry over.  You find work, stay in a job longer than you should because you have been so ingrained into the fact that you have no choice, you stay because that’s what you do.  You’re miserable, but you don’t realize you can leave and go somewhere else because it’s your choice now. 

I too have fallen into that trap in the past. 

“Potential for growth” is a line that is often used in counselings or fitreps (Fitness Reports, the military equivalent to performance evaluations).  Today I had one of those moments.  I’ve been considering taking on part time work at a local fire department.  I figured it would help me keep up with training, continue to build on my experience as well as help out some friends that I have on that department.  I filled out the application, provided the basic information requested, and drove by to drop off the application. 

This is where things could have gone sideways in a hurry.  When I dropped off the application, I spoke with an individual whom I’ve ran into before.  Their demeanor and attitude today was no different than what it has been in the past towards me; brusque, curt, and hostile.  The application was handed back to me while I was informed it was incomplete.  To be fair, it was.  Like many other applications, I figured that the rest of the info would be requested after they made an initial determination yay or nay.

While speaking with them, I informed them that I was not affiliated with their director, but I had a solution to that problem, and explained to them what I could do, if they needed it.  I was informed very clearly and shortly that they were who decided that, and that was none of my business how it was done. 

I politely took the application back, and informed them that I would take care of it. 

This is where the “potential for growth” comes in.  I realized immediately that my desire to build on my experience and expand on my training was not worth the mental gymnastics and verbal judo that would be required to work with/for that specific individual.  I called one of my friends, and one of my would be supervisors (had I taken the job) and informed them that due to the hostility expressed and received, that I was going to pull my application back until further notice.  We had a good conversation, and they understood where I was coming from. 

A few years ago, I probably would have ignored the warning signs and pushed forward.  I mean, really, who gets to choose who they work for or what kind of relationship you have right off the bat?  I’ve had several units where my superiors initial impression of me was that I was worthless.  Some changed because of how I operated, others didn’t.  The ones that didn’t, turned toxic extremely quickly, and while I usually responded in kind, it wasn’t a healthy work environment. 

I managed to learn from my mistakes in the past, and not repeat them this time. 

Growth.  It can happen.  It did happen.  It may have only taken me about 15 years to make it this far, which is really only a few steps forward, but it is possible.  It just takes work and being honest with yourself to make it happen.  Usually being brutally honest with yourself, along with the help of a lot of friends and people along the way. 

We find we don’t progress at the rate that we think we should, or at the rate we want to, but we can’t stop working, whether it’s physically or mentally.  When we do run into those times where we find ourselves stuck, we need to remember we aren’t the only ones, and that we need to reach out for help. 

A good friend of mine has told me several times that our friends are our “QRF” (Quick Reaction Force).  The QRF is always ready to jump in and help.  They find themselves more frustrated when they have to sit on their hands and not do anything.  Make sure you’re reaching out to your QRF when you need it; they can help you make those steps forward.

Seth is a former Marine Staff Sergeant who was medically separated after 14 years. Often referred to as “Eeyore” due to his naturally dour expression, monotone voice and often gloomy sounding outlook on things. He writes when he has time, and breaks the stereotypes as a Korean born Asian-American who dips, drives diesel trucks, hunts, and used to ride bulls in his younger and skinnier days.

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