I grip the mug of lukewarm coffee, staring out the window at unexpected snow. Slowly it accumulates along the edge of the branches and atop the farmhouse bell. Everyone has left the house and I’m alone again. No, not alone, Ritter is here faithfully at my feet as I write. The snow is getting heavier.

The title of this post is a total rip off of my friend (Seth Hopper) and coauthor’s recent blog posts, “Cup of Coffee” and “Cup of Coffee part II.” They got me thinking about a great many things. Caffeine is a drug and I’m addicted. Am I also addicted to violence?

Can we “cure” PTSD?

I’m no angel and far from where I’d like to be. I recently had nasal surgery and they gave me Tylenol with Codeine for the pain. I found myself far more patient and pleasant with everyone around me. I could tell that the reactionary part of my brain had been silenced and I was thinking and acting more like my pre-war self.

It was a low dose and I was not “feeling good” as one might ascribe my decreased agitation to the reduction of pain or a possible euphoric sense brought about by the poppy derived codeine. Then again, maybe reducing pain did have a direct correlation. I haven’t been taking any form of pain meds for quite some time. Chronic pain, despite being ignored, presents in daily interactions.

Should I be taking drugs?

I seriously considered it. I was rational and patient, able to capitalize on the teaching moments. It certainly seemed to anecdotally lend some credence to micro-dosing.
I wonder if that’s what it’s like for people who have had the Stellate Ganglion Block? (SGB)

A few days ago the kids (I love them all!) were on the couch and I was talking through a few things when I was interrupted and promptly contradicted. Despite the offending party not viewing the exchange in a similar light, their ambush produced immediate violence of word. It was explosive, I closed the distance and was determined to destroy my enemy. (No, my child is not my enemy (the argument was) and I don’t treat them as such BUT there are automated responses that probably should be remapped in my brain.)

Marines don’t remain static in a fight.

Shoot, move, communicate. You fight THROUGH the ambush, displacing and eradicating those that perpetrated the attack. In war, one moment you’re focused on your assigned mission and then that focus is completely redirected in milliseconds to the ambush.

What’s more important than the mission? If the ambush is just a sideshow distraction, exchange fire and move to the objective knowing that you still have an obligation to report the danger so others aren’t caught off guard. If the ambush is an impediment to mission accomplishment it MUST be addressed with immediate and overwhelming violence of action. Marines are paid to kill and destroy.

Confusing the ambush for the mission

Regardless of service or not, regardless of your trauma, PTSD creates a sudden reaction in an effort to protect you from a perceived threat. It’s a reaction, something that happens unconsciously, not a response which is a conscious decision.

In the brain, the amygdala is responsible for a variety of tasks and most people know that it controls the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. But there’s a term I’d like to introduce here: Amygdala Hijacking.

However, sometimes the amygdala can act too strongly, leading to amygdala hijacking. Typically, in a stressful situation, the frontal lobes will step in to override the amygdala to ensure we respond in a rational manner.

But, if the stressful situation causes strong feelings of anxiety, anger, aggression, or fear, this can result in illogical and irrational over-reactive behaviors to be displayed.

Essentially, the amygdala overrides the frontal lobes to hijack control of the stress response.

Guy-Evans, O. (2021, May 09). Amygdala function and location. Simply Psychology. www.simplypsychology.org/amygdala.html

This generally explains why some of us say, “I felt like I couldn’t stop even though I knew I was mad about nothing.” The frontal lobe knows you’re responding incorrectly but is locked out of the process.

Read that whole article about amygdala function, there’s a lot of worthwhile understanding to be gained.

Support veteran owned business! https://masterblastercoffee.us

Black coffee, brown, or lighter than tea,
I love coffee, it’s like cocaine to me.
Milky sweet or bitter, look and see,
Art in a cup, rich, bold, coffee.

Tree or bush? Perhaps a “Treelet?”
Wherever it comes from , let’s roast and brew.
From these beans, a delicacy beget.
Why don’t I make a cup for you?

MENTAL GRENADE

Maybe I’ve had too much. I’m amped up and a little anxious, only having checked off one thing on today’s todo list.

Get help, get into therapy, call a friend. We ALL struggle, don’t do it alone.

-Drew OUT!