I got a chance to work a veteran event this past week in Maryland. It’s always a privilege to work with brother and sister veterans, their spouses, and to see their families. I wanted to take a moment to put down some thoughts about my time.

I’ve known some of the individuals at this event for seven years now and they feel like family. I often talk about feelings versus facts and our perceptions versus reality but family is who you allow to be family. It was mentioned several times by more than a few individuals that this felt less like a vet event and more like a family reunion… I think it’s better than that. Raise your hands: how many people really look forward to family reunions. Ok, I see that one hand in the back. IDK, maybe you like to go watch the drama?

Families have such varied experiences; values shift from their upbringing, and the petty conflicts of life bring them down. These veteran families on the other hand have shared values, similar experiences, and having known worldwide conflict, choose to put aside their pettiness as best they can and enjoy each other’s company.

The few new families test the waters and a few days in find that there are no sharks trying to pull them under. As the comfort level grows, so does the volume of laughter as the stories of life are released to the general population. Pain also exits solitary confinement. Men willing to be vulnerable ask trusted allies their opinion of certain situations and what possible courses of action should be pursued.

Kids that you KNOW have had it rough for the last eleven months see friends again they know they can trust; hopefully mom and dad will be relaxed and the scrutiny turned down. There is less pressure to perform, to avoid triggering someone, and for some, a chance to stop being an acting parent / caregiver. Sure, some of those kids are also hellions. Secondary PTSD and any number of other environmental issues they have had to deal with suddenly surface when they feel like they don’t have to hide it.

Sunsets by the bay and quiet moments with a spouse; slow breath exhaled and tension released. There is relaxation here. There is fun, but there is also tough moments in group sessions talking about issues long buried and some that have newly emerged. Whatever it is, there are peers and therapists to support you through and to help you work for a better tomorrow.

They say home is where the heart is.
I say family is who you’ll bleed for.