“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” — Albert Einstein

As a Marine, I was exposed to and learned to tolerate much cynicism and crassness. I was taught to distrust civilians and lean on the traditions, customs, and “courtesies” of the Corps. I wish I could say that I stayed curious and innocent throughout my service but much of my time was spent with limited perspective and company.

After I got out I had to wrestle with who I had become but more importantly, who I wanted to become. That’s the step that MANY people forget to take. When you’ve become entrenched in the past, it’s easy to stay there. Your identity is stuck, your mind is set, and your circles shrink. (Especially when you get out of the military and move to a remote location.)

“Why even bother to talk to these people? They’ll never understand.” I highlight that thought a lot because we are always finding excuses to NOT talk to people. We isolate ourselves when we focus on the differences. Growth is always painful. You might feel comfort staying with the devil you know but life is passing you by.

It takes YEARS to sort things out. Discovering why you feel certain ways and how to disentangle emotional responses from memories is a hard road. You CAN find peace. You CAN change.

How do you reprogram your responses to bad anniversaries?

Talking exclusively with your inner circle means excluding view points. Hopefully not, but unless you’ve surrounded yourself with people who are growing, learning, and expanding their view point, you aren’t being exposed to new things.

Christmas is polarizing; It’s a Dickens dichotomy: It’s the most wonderful time of the year, It’s the worst time of year. As we grow older, years of memories taint the holidays. We grow nostalgic or sick with dread. Does this happen because we perpetuate patterns of behavior that confirm our beliefs about a day or season?

Stuck in obligation

Are we beholden to the past? Family is family but we can choose how to spend our time. Discussions need to be had but not everyone relishes conflict.
Instead we ruminate, replaying past conflicts / conversations and imagining how the next one will go. Our minds usually seem to find the worst possible outcome and focus on that as if it is the certain result. But it’s not true. Nothing IS until it is. When you finally have the conversation it’s usually far better than your anticipated outcome. (Not always, but often)

Have the conversation, the real one. With whom? It might be yourself. (It’s time to dig deep and talk about why you’re self medicating.) It might be your family member. It might be a friend. A good person works on all relationships. Have a conversation with a stranger, they may see something you’ve been glossing over for the last few years.

Relationships are HARD work.
Relationships are built through communication.
Communication is a constant struggle.

Maybe you can’t expand your circle this Christmas. While you’re at that gathering of old familiar people, find the one you talk to the least. Strike up a conversation and learn about their life. Even if it turns out to be the worst decision you’ve made this holiday season, there will still be something to learn. Yes, you can learn from anyone.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and expanding circles in 2025.

-Drew OUT.

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These Veteran stories of struggle, adventure, and post traumatic growth need to be heard!
Join the cause to de-stigmatize mental health issues.
Please SUBSCRIBE, share our website with friends / co-workers, and support us by donation or at the STORE.