On the way to somewhere, I found myself along the road. Did I find myself or the path? Don’t sprint to the destination. When you get there, you’ll find somewhere else you need to be.

Self discovery is a lifelong process and goals are only as good as the work it took to get there. Not long ago, Misty and I had a conversation about people’s desires and living to work rather than working to live.

Recently, Misty completed her last final at Charles Widner School of Law, Villanova. I have been so impressed by her over the last three years and the amount of work she put in to complete her degree. But WAIT! She was also working on her Master’s of Law in taxation by taking some classes that counted for both the Master’s and the Juris Doctorate.

Even though she’s done with law school, she still has to take the Bar Exam and then complete three final classes to finish the Master’s in Tax. I think she’s addicted to school or just trying to make me look bad?

The need to compare ourselves to someone else is killer. Misty has completed three degrees and is working on a fourth. I have quit college thrice. She grew up on a farm and I was a city kid. She’s organized and I’m messy. When does messy get promoted to slob? I think I’m due for promotion.

The first time I visited her family farm in PA I was surprised at how in charge of things she was. She ran the barn and delegated tasks to younger siblings like I would later see Marine NCOs do. I was humbled as my scrawny, undeveloped frame carried full pails to the bulk tank in the milk house.

Now I look over my screen and see her across the room pouring over PA state law books. The three children she busted her butt to keep alive, potty train, nurture, educate, and love (much of it while I was deployed) don’t even remember the extreme sacrifices she made. It’s painful as a mother when the children you gave everything for barely recognize your contribution to their lives.

This is an opportunity to say thank you to my mother and father for all that they did for me in life. Thanks guys, I know I can’t pay it back.

This is a new chapter in life. Our children are almost all teenagers and reaching basic self-sufficiency. Our goal now is to make them God fearing, high functioning adults who don’t suck at life and own their mistakes.

Having enrolled all of them in Scouts, they are being shown leadership and pushed to develop skills that will serve them for the rest of their lives. A few days ago we were putting in some work on the playground/fort/deer stand. I dropped a long, straight sapling to use as building material. With decent weight and friction, unable to move it under manpower, we obtained machinery to assist.

I asked the boys to use the tow rope to tie a timber hitch for the pull. The blank stares I was given let me know they hadn’t been studying in their books. I then reminded them, “I grew up in the city, I never thought I’d be here doing things like this. You never know where life will take you.” I doubt what I tied was a legitimate hitch but it functioned and we moved the tree to an open area for processing.

Along the way you pick up skills, knowledge, relationships, experiences, but these also come with the painful baggage of loss, trauma, confusion, and so many more aspects good and bad. We get lost and find the path again and later stray from the trail once more. Some might call the path a rut, espousing trailblazers as the pioneers of self discovery. I think it doesn’t work like that.

Trails wind and cross infinitely in the progression of life.

If what you’ve been doing hasn’t worked, why not try something different? This could be way out of your comfort zone- but that’s where significant growth occurs. You’ve probably heard this before. The rule of 7 states that people often need to hear things at least 7 times before taking action. It’s even worse now in the digital age where you are constantly bombarded with messages from everything and everyone. Hear it again, significant growth happens outside our comfort zone.

Divest yourself of technology (after you’re done reading this) and find a quiet place to reflect on what you’ve been through and who it has made you. Are you satisfied with where you are?

“By declaring that man is responsible and must actualize the potential meaning of his life, I wish to stress that the true meaning of life is to be discovered in the world rather than within man or his own psyche, as though it were a closed system. I have termed this constitutive characteristic “the self-transcendence of human existence.” It denotes the fact that being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself–be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself–by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love–the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself. What is called self-actualization is not an attainable aim at all, for the simple reason that the more one would strive for it, the more he would miss it. In other words, self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence.” -Viktor Frankl

I see this in many people who have lost their purpose. They begin to seek distracting tasks to fill the void they have in their life. If we make ourselves the object of discovery rather than develop as a product of service to others, we will be left empty at every attempt. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness rings hollow. In the pursuit of happiness we are left wanting after any taste, like an addict looking for a fix.

Disagree? I’d be happy to learn from your opinion; please put it in the comment section at the bottom of the page. Yes, we should take on tasks for direct self improvement. Education was the foundation of learning. It broadened the young mind and taught them HOW to learn. The shift in education over the last few decades is disturbing. No longer does it seem to be balanced and open to debate. It’s socially indoctrinating, espousing intolerance to differing view points.

A tenant of Marine Corps leadership is, “Know yourself and seek self-improvement.” The common saying, “you don’t know what you don’t know” is only partially true. There are many things I know I don’t know and with the ones I find practically beneficial currently, I seek to correct my knowledge deficit. Self discovery is different than self improvement.

Twenty years ago I left my parents house, joined the Marines, and started running down an unknown road. I got lost, tripped several times, broke a few bones, took several blasts, and fell in the metaphorical ditch. What I learned in the ditch and through my long climb out has taught me much about myself and life. There is no settled destination other than eternity. From here to there, anything could happen on this road. I stopped one day to read the road sign, “Change Way.”

Drew OUT.