Shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee. The heat is overwhelming and several people are fighting back vomit. My pack, like everyone else’s, is in my lap and I rest my head on it. The air is heavy with sweat and breath and I try to imagine I’m anywhere but here. Then, the aircraft begins to drop, about a foot and the fuselage shudders. Three feet and things begin to really shake… especially the nerves of the Marines around me. Humanly speaking, I guess there’s a generalized fear of flying (we weren’t born with wings) and I’ll be the first to admit that I have control issues and would prefer to be on the ground. There’s nothing that can be done about it though- sometimes you just have to accept what’s happening. The turbulence is not subsiding and their partial worry is expanding into fear, perhaps terror for a select few. Meanwhile, I begin to laugh. When the heat, stale air, smell of leaking fuel, and complete lack of space is compounded with turbulence, I let go of my annoyance with the other things and embrace the suck. Sure we could die, but right now this is actually fun. Things are often out of our control; we have the choice of response. Do I spend what could be my last moments in paralyzing fear or enjoy the ride? Some of the faces change as the sound of my laughter is heard over the C-130.

We can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react… mostly. We’ve had the science of the fight, flight, or freeze response hammered into our heads enough we could probably teach the class. So, perhaps the initial internal response is out of our hands but we need to learn the pause. This is entirely different from freeze. To be frozen is to not be able to move- to pause is to choose not to move.

I know many combat vets, like myself, that struggle with anger. It seems to come out of nowhere and once it’s there it’s hard to calm down. I’ve been working in my counseling sessions on how to pause. We need something to ground us- Something to remind us of who we REALLY are, where we are, and that whatever is going on, it’s probably not life or death. Something you say to yourself, a way you touch your hands, an object you carry, and if you can, the deep breaths you take. Every Marine is a rifleman, so they say. A fair amount of time is taken to ensure the fundamentals of marksmanship are ingrained so that every time you pick up your rifle you do those things instinctively. A key aspect to shooting well is a Positive Mental Attitude. PMA contributes greatly to your success. Each shot- find your positive mental space, gain and maintain proper bone support for your weapon, obtain sight alignment with a proper sight picture, breathe deeply- then utilize your natural respiratory pause to slowly press the trigger to the rear.

Humans fear the unknown and anyone who is not comfortable with weapons is reluctant to carry them and even less likely to utilize one if necessary. Fear is in direct conflict with a PMA and so you’re already set for failure. Anticipation of a shot will cause flinching and pull the weapon out of alignment with the target. A lack of preparation will cause you to muscle the weapon rather than allow your skeleton to settle the sight picture and tighten the figure eight your front sight seems to trace on the target.

Pre-shot preparation is made a routine, an unconscious set of actions taken to accomplish the desired result. We need to know what sets us off and stop ourselves BEFORE it happens. By creating a routine, we can break the cycle of anger if it does occur, not unlike immediate action drills… tap, rack, bang. The weapon has failed to fire: smack the bottom of the magazine (tap), pull the charging handle fully to the rear and release (rack), pull the trigger and attempt to fire (bang). It’s obvious that we need to train for combat – we need to convince ourselves that we need to TRAIN to combat our responses as well.

We are at war with human nature and the devil, who wants us to give in and take the easy way. It’s easier to get mad than it is to take a few breaths, decompress, and address your spouse or child with respect. It’s easier to self-medicate (or compartmentalize) than to deal with the painful trauma you’ve endured. It’s easier to isolate than to deal with people.

It would’ve been easier to fall out of the run or hike than to complete it, but you didn’t. It would’ve been easier to work a day job but we chose the path of the warrior. It is a higher calling to higher standards. It’s a life time commitment. Some of you know and others may just now be realizing you can’t walk away from the fight. It’s changed shape, the battlefield is mental, emotional, and above all spiritual. You may not be able to fight on all these fronts right now. You could very well be unwilling to acknowledge some or all of this. I just want you to know that you’re not alone.

If you can’t get a positive mental attitude, call on your brothers and gain some perspective. They are your bone support- when you can’t hold your head up, they are your neck. When you can’t understand what’s going on, they will help you find your sight picture. The counsel of many will help you align your sights and stay on target. You need an inner circle, a few who can give you the confidence to breathe easy, slow down, and pull the trigger on the hard decisions.

I realize that sometimes you’re cut off, unable to reach out or you’ve been ambushed and didn’t have a chance to call it in. This is the time to employ your immediate action drills. Find out what sets you off and what calms you down. Ask the people who know you, if you can handle the raw feedback; it’s really the best way.

How do you flip the coin? Angry or calm, depressed or joyful, anxious or relaxed: these contrasts are important. Do you have a Standard Operating Procedure regarding these things? SOPs answer the questions so when they come up you can act instead of having to ask. Why do we avoid this conversation? Maybe you don’t need this- great, please go help others that do. But if you need to break free of the emotions and reactions that are trapping you it HAS to be dealt with. Things don’t just go away. It’s like cancer; pretending it’s not there doesn’t mean it’s gone. Create a routine that builds the positive, stacks it up, so it takes more to tip the scales the wrong way. Exercise, write/journal, play music, do art, cook something, read, be spiritual, visit a place that restores your soul, do whatever it is that will put you in a place to resist the attacks that WILL come.

I’m guilty of diving into my day with little to no preparation. I might as well have gone on patrol in my skivvies with a pistol. The Bible talks about putting on the whole armor of God. It’s a daily ritual, a process of acknowledging you’re not able to do this alone- that you’re strengthened by a higher power.

Start by building up your defenses, stay in communication with how you’re feeling- keeping in contact with your support network, and finally be prepared for the fight that is coming. This is no longer physical.
Over.

Ephesians 6:10–17 (NLT): “A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

James 1:19: “Remember this, my dear brothers and sisters: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and should not get angry easily.”

Click Here for Grounding techniques to manage PTSD
Ask yourself- is what you’re doing right now helping or hurting the relationship? If it’s hurting, disengage and get proper head space and timing- remedial action may be the best choice to ensure maximum effect on target.
Drew OUT.