It sounds like it could be a euphemism for something but that’s really what’s going on outside. The wind is pushing in the heat, it’s going to be a hot one today. Tonight though, the wind will take it away and it will be cool once again. At least that’s what we’re hoping.

Leaves are tearing from limbs and moving light green snow through the air from north to south. It makes me glad we took down all those trees recently; I’m no longer worried about the house getting crushed. The garage is well over 100° today and so I stopped work early. I’ve got to go pick up my son from a trade camp and then do some food shopping but I’m thankful for the family time we will have tonight.

If we’re lucky, Canaan and I will find some shady trails to ride this afternoon, come back tired, and hungry ready for a good dinner. It’s so easy to complain about the heat or people or struggles – how can we find gratitude amongst the difficulty? It requires intentionality; choose ahead of time what kind of day you will have and do not allow your day to be dictated by your perceptions but rather your choices.

When I have a plan for the day and something goes wrong it’s usually something small. When I feel that loss of control I get angry. It’s like a hot wind blowing in ruining the cool crisp fall day that I imagine in my mind. I begin to sweat about the details and I allow my emotions to take over and logic to fall away, subjecting others to my immaturity and PTSD driven need for control.

It’s truly ironic though how easily we accept a lack of control in war and perhaps that’s why we expect to have complete control of our environment in peacetime? We can only control ourselves though and how we respond to what happens around us.

Between the last paragraph and this one I drove to pick up my son. I then proceeded to lose control of myself and we argued. Apologizing after the damage is done doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Instead of providing my progeny the proper opportunity to learn, I blew up.

Canaan had a headache this afternoon and we didn’t ride. Probably for the best considering the heat. It’s cooled off now, as predicted, the steady wind pushed the heat in and then out. The family went out for ice cream and now we’re at the farm, enjoying the sunset from the front porch.

I’m writing from the porch swing where I sat with Misty and watched thunderstorms in the summer before I left for bootcamp. At least my anger can blow out quickly like today’s heat. I’ve learned how to stop the fire before it consumes too much around me. I hate learning lessons like this but here’s hoping I actually learn…

Drew founded Mental Grenade Jan 2020. He is a follower of Jesus Christ, a medically retired Marine, EOD Tech, husband, father, writer, mountain biker, photographer, facilitator, and fly-fisherman. He seeks to bridge the civilian – military divide and bring hope through honest communication about difficult issues.

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These Veteran stories of struggle, adventure, and post traumatic growth need to be heard!
Join the cause to de-stigmatize mental health issues.
Please SUBSCRIBE, share our website with friends / co-workers, and support us by donation or at the STORE.