Pushing myself out the door, I drag my feet through the deep snow, trudging to the car. I turn the key and the Subaru rattles to life. The simplicity of the machine and its seeming lack of refinement is comforting. I clean the vehicle off, load Ritter, and slide into the unplowed road. Thank you, all-wheel drive.

Venturing into the Thomas Kinkade landscape, I’m overwhelmed by my juxtaposed opinion of it. Just yesterday, the oppressive weather was weighing me down. Today it shines a light into my soul. Hearty Mennonite women wearing dresses ride bicycles in the snow. Sincerest respect to lifestyle dedication, I’m glad I’m in a car with a seat heater.

Each happy little tree I pass has been graced by the knife of Bob Ross, titanium white accents contrasting the drab bark. It’s hard to hate the views this valley has to offer in any season. Only the intrusion of “progress” scars the landscape. Roadside, atop a fresh kill, a redtail hawk and I lock eyes; Buteo jamaicensis gazes into my soul.

My spirits are slowly lifting as I see a different perspective of what has been the manifestation of my depression.  Pulling up to my friend’s house, it’s good to see how well he’s moving (a fellow veteran with medical issues) as he shovels the drive. Ritter and I exuberantly greet him and we head inside for coffee.

Hours of conversation pass with ease despite the melancholy of goodbye. We speak of deeper issues, wrestle with the difficult, and address the eternal. Though he is moving thousands of miles away, we will be friends for life, a bond formed around trust.

Do you have a confidant? Social media is where you go to feel bad about your life, try to make others envious, and if you dare attempt to engage with someone – get stabbed in the back. Is it always like this? No, but chances are, if you have a good connection with someone on Facebook/Insta/Snap/Tumbler/MeWe/Etc you already know them in real life. God made us to be in connection with people. To whom can you bare your soul? I’ve stopped being shocked when guys tell me they don’t have anyone they talk to about difficult issues. The American male is emotionally stunted.

I’ve made it out the other side of the dark tunnel. Thank you to the friends and mentors that reached out. A phone call is ok, a video chat better, but nothing beats face to face. COVID has robbed people of that and it shows. The mental health crisis has expanded significantly because of quarantining.

“COVID-19’s damage to our collective psyche has not been limited to adults. This is also uncharted territory for children and adolescents, who may have trouble processing the events of the past year. A CDC report found that mental health-related visits to emergency departments between April and October 2020 increased 24 percent among children aged 5 to 11 and 31 percent among children between the ages of 12 and 17.”

Psychology Today

Speaking of confidants, do your children feel safe to confide in you? Are they coming to you for answers or just searching the internet?   They are watching how we deal with life and handle relationships. Are we taking the time to actively listen? The words they speak are only part of what they want to convey. Fear of embarrassment, reprisal or punishment, lack of trust, there are many reasons why they may not come to us.

Do you know when your children are dealing with darkness? It’s highly unlikely they’ll be posting it somewhere you can find or just telling you, “Hey mom, I’m depressed and feel like I don’t matter.” Have we invalidated their emotions, sent them signals we lack time to listen, or appear uncaring?

“To treat a child, you must first treat the parents and the dysfunctional family system. The good news here is that this is something that can be done. The challenging part though for many parents is that they first must admit that maybe, just maybe, they are the ones who are ultimately responsible for the problem.”

– Randy Withers, LCMHC

It has been a painful learning curve involving my children in conversations about mental health, specifically my problems. I still lose my temper and don’t seek forgiveness as I should, I succumb to depression or become overly stimulated and disengage. Kids, I know you’re reading this and I want to publicly apologize. We’ll talk about it face to face as well but I thought I should own up to it because you deserve better.

When it seems dark around you, walk toward the light; the shadows will chase but never overtake you.

OVER.

Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

1 John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.”

1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

John 8:12 “Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.””

Drew OUT!