Deck the halls, trim the tree, light the lights, and sing.

Pull the shades, drink a fifth, chamber a round, and stare down the barrel.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, or the worst. This can be such a heartwarming or heart crushing season. When the days grow short our memories seem to become more active. Good or bad, the echoes of the past are amplified. How are you feeling?

Some embrace the joy of the season and celebrate, others struggle deeply. The reasons for either are deeply rooted. Why does it seem like joy can be so easily switched to sorrow but not the other way around? Why do we hang on to our suffering in almost the same nostalgic way as the good times?

  • A perfect childhood with loving parents vs bouncing around the foster system wanting to belong
  • Traditions and culture conveyed vs lack of identity
  • Surrounded by loved ones vs deployed in war
  • Stability, love, and friendship vs transience, trauma, and loneliness

I’m not trying to drag the holidays into a nature vs nurture showdown. The fact is that some are blissfully ignorant of the deep pain the Christmas season can have for others. There’s no avoiding it, sometimes we offend people or pluck a nerve unintentionally.

Only after really getting to know a person do you find out that the first person they ever killed in war was on Christmas day or that someone else’s mother committed suicide right before Christmas. Sadly, I know quite a few people who lived in over ten different foster homes, most of them a nightmare of an experience. This isn’t cocoa and cookies, it’s So-Co and Satan.  

Where are you reading this right now? Sitting in your car in the parking lot of the VA isn’t the place to end your life this Christmas. Suicide is a trauma relay. We just keep handing the baton to our friends and relatives and they now hold the weight of that action… wondering if they should run the race as well. There’s a toll to it all; it gets heavier with every person you lose around you. Why are some people just surrounded by death?

Sipping bourbon and tapping these keys, thinking about some of you out there struggling weighs heavy on me tonight. My family is in the other room watching a movie but I can’t ignore this feeling. I can choose to dwell on it or find a way to transfer the pressure and weight.
 I just stopped and said a prayer for all of you. Most of life you can’t control, the sooner you accept that and let go, the better you’ll feel. Affect change on what you CAN control, you.

If you’re in a bad place, don’t stay there. Take decisive action now! Call a friend, pray, find your song and play it, go for a walk. Surround yourself with positive people that will tell you what you need to hear, not just agree with you.

If you need someone to talk to right now:
1-800-273-8255 OR click HERE to chat.

No matter how you feel, reach out to your people. They need to hear from you. The world is (and always will be) a confusing place. We need each other to help sort it out. Despite lockdowns, quarantines, separations, and isolation, we have the tools to communicate. There are those hiding away in their rooms, intentionally isolating, imploding. Go find them.

There’s a whole lot to be said about forgiveness. Perhaps it’s the best Christmas gift you could give someone this year. That person may even be YOU. My friend whose mother committed suicide at Christmas still holds it against her. It hijacks the entire season, crashing it. You may not be able to look a person in the face and tell them you forgive them; they could be dead or in denial. The point is that you approach the situation with a spirit of forgiveness. You release that person and in doing so free yourself.

It’s the same with celebrating dark anniversaries. Battles, friends killed, alive days – these things can put us into a tail spin. There is a physiological response to trauma. We must find a way to flip the script. Celebrate the life of your friends and comrades! Be thankful that you’re still breathing and can make a difference here and now.

No, it’s not easy. You must intentionally change your perspective and habits. Create new traditions and look forward. Much of our depression is caused by the past. Why are you still staring at it? You can’t win tomorrows battles if you’re still trying to fight the past but you can’t REALLY move on until you deal with what happened.

“It’s not you, it’s what happened to you.”

Christine Courtois

May you find peace this time of year and create reasons to celebrate. Stay safe and look out for each other.

Over.

Timothy 1:15-17 – “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.”

Isaiah 9:6 – “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

Drew OUT!

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