If I could only be like I was before. I know I’ve thought that. Loss, we feel it all the time- more than we acknowledge. Loss can be something as simple as finishing that amazing steak we were eating and losing the joy it brought us while consuming it. It could also be the loss of identity, sense of purpose, or maybe a leg. Loss takes on many forms- as we grow up we lose our childhood, innocence, and have to take on the weight of responsibility. Many wives lament the loss of who their husband USED to be. War changes us- there’s no denying that. If you’ve lost the use of a body part or lost it all together; If you’ve lost fine motor skills, your short-term memory, or the ability to concentrate; if you’ve lost your sense of peace and find yourself constantly on edge- things change. It’s not that you need to accept that this is “the new normal.” I know many people hate that phrase, but we need to accept that change has occurred and things will never be like they were before. If you had a completely boring life, age would still change you and lead you to long for the days when you were younger and could do more. Change happens to everyone if they want it or not. We view this change as loss and grieve it in different ways. Finding healthy ways to deal with loss is key to surviving.
My body hurts right now. This weather makes me want to do nothing- but if I follow that instinct I only suffer more. Numbing the pain doesn’t help me get better- it makes it worse. Push through, overcome, make the pain mean something. This life is shorter than we think and with the right attitude we CAN make it better. In the end, with faith in Christ I will be given a new heavenly body in which there will be no more pain and suffering. If I lose myself to Christ, I gain everything.
Over.
Ecclesiastes 7:10 “Don’t long for “the good old days.” This is not wise.”
Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There won’t be any more death. There won’t be any grief, crying, or pain, because the first things have disappeared.”
Philippians 3:8-9 “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith”
Drew Out.
P.J. Hughes
March 4, 2020 21:26Old Apache war chant…”Pain, pain running all thru my brain. Thank God that I am not dead yet.” Sometimes it is “The Pain” that reminds us that we are alive… So I must BREATHE…. simply breathe, take the next step,,, and BELIEVE…..
P.J. Hughes
February 5, 2020 09:02Working with the USN is an wonderful job… I am always amazed at the various types of ships and boats they use to accomplish their mission. Kind of like people…. all sorts of different shapes, sizes, and colors.
At any time, only a fraction of the fleet is at sea and deemed “sea worthy”. Kinda like us. A large percentage of ships and boats are pier side and tied up as they are being repaired and refitted for the next mission.. Kinda like us. Once repaired and deemed operational, back to sea they go for the next mission. Their usefulness is defined by their time at sea,,, not pier side,,, Kinda like us.
I have heard it said by psychologists and counselors that you can’t repair someone until they deeply desire the healing. It’s a “Mind Thing”. I have also heard it said by these same professionals that some folks never really want to heal and go back “to sea”. Some folks want to stay stuck…
So who am I? Someone who wants to get better, or someone who wants to stay stuck??
“You don’t have to be sick to get healthier”.
Just how effective can I be if I am “stuck at anchor”? I may be “Walking Wounded”, but I can still walk and breathe so I for one will not stay stuck.
Lane Benefield
February 4, 2020 11:00Drew, “pushing through…make the pain mean something,” might make sense to a hardened Marine, or Brene Brown who encourages us to “lean into the rumble.” But what about the young child with spina bifida, autism, or even Down’s syndrome? I see so many of these kids thriving and enjoying life. What hope do these kids have that the wounded combat vet is looking for? What gives them a sense that their life is a Life Worth Living? Sarah Amick is a young lady with Down’s syndrome who finds this type of purpose in serving others. It sounds simple, but there is a lesson. Here is the link to her story…
https://www.joniandfriends.org/sarahs-hug-ministry/
Drew
February 5, 2020 20:06Thriving, simply defined, is to prosper and flourish. I believe that the two things veterans need most are a sense of identity and purpose. Life can be very simple if we allow it to be. The amazing children you speak of are living in the freedom of the moment. The life that broken adults live (which constitute the intended audience of this blog) is often consumed with the past: what they had, what they were, and what they did. This then leads to: what I don’t have, what I’m not, and what I can no longer do. These thriving children with various conditions, accept who they are but don’t allow themselves to be defined by it. I’m not sure why God allows Himself to be so plainly visible to them, but He does. They find peace in the knowledge that they are His creation, loved- there they find identity and the purpose of serving Christ. I’ve seen veterans find a modicum of healing through tradition/clinical programs but nothing I’ve seen has come close to the man or woman who has found spiritual healing. True forgiveness only comes from faith in Jesus- that’s where we can finally lay down all the garbage we’ve been carrying and take on a new identity and find purpose in service.
P.J. Hughes
February 4, 2020 08:24Hidden Losses.
Family, friends, enemies, opportunities, & dreams…. All things which we have lost.
Sometimes I feel like we are great sailing boats of old, safely tucked away in a secure harbor. Other times I imagine myself as a rugged schooner plowing thru the high seas with the wind at my back and my sails full of air.
Then there are days,,, sometimes days upon days,,, that we just hunker down… for days… unable or unwilling to even pull up anchor and enjoy the breezes of life. Why is that.. Why has our sense of adventure been replaced by a sense of dread, fear, or panic?
PJ out
Drew
February 5, 2020 20:23Children have better adventures- they haven’t experienced the same loss, pain, defeat, etc. As adults, we fear the loss of control we know is coming. The calculation of risk becomes an exponentially more overwhelming event and so it appears the better option is to stay in harbor than to go out to sea.
I love putting (hopefully) helpful links out: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm
Mark Folmar
February 3, 2020 11:06Good words Drew! Love your heart for helping your veteran brothers & sisters.
Drew
February 5, 2020 20:08My hope is to build an open dialogue between different communities: help civilians understand veterans, help veterans interact with the world around them, discuss important issues, and tell stories that matter.